Mr. Bowes: When You’re Vice Principal, No One Cares If You Take Food From Breakfast Room

Posted: October 11, 2016

JMH’s new Vice Principal Mr. Bowes has recently come under fire after a shocking audio recording between Bowes and Mrs. Ryder leaked on Wednesday.

“Do you like the job?” Ryder can be heard inquiring in the recording. “Of course,” replies Bowes. “I’ll tell ya, they’ve got some great stuff in that breakfast room.”

“Go in there often?” asks the Principal.

“Every day. Those bagels are like a magnet to me, I just start eating them. And when you’re Vice Principal, they let you do it. You can do anything. Steal some cream cheese, an apple.”

The recording goes on, but due to its shocking subject matter, we’ve opted to leave it out.

“So help me Kierstead, if that’s where those freakin’ maple bagels have been going every morning I’m going to be some mad,” a grade 11 student angrily vents.

Several teachers have retracted their support for Bowes in light of the controversy.

“That’s kind of messed up Kev,” deduces Mr. Carter, one of many offended staff at the school.

According to the office staff, District has officially launched an investigation into Mr. Bowes’ insatiable Kleptomaniac tendencies.