Posted: October 31, 2016
After a fatally awkward encounter as two people rounded a corner and met face to face, struggled to pass by and then speedwalked away from the scene, the Student Council has been pushed by various lobby groups to institute trained traffic directors.
“It’s nice to feel like these halls are safe again,” admits one grade 10 student.
“Yeah, now when someone walks really slow and I’m stuck behind them, the traffic directors just say all the evil, horrific things that I’m thinking!” adds a nearby friend.
The move has, however, been met with its critics.
Said one skeptic, “I get the walking and running lanes, but what is a ‘Kierstead-mobile’ and why is there a lane for it specifically?”
Obviously, they were shunned.
Despite the mixed reception, most are admitting their support for mirrors being strategically installed on all doors in the school to avoid entering a room at the exact moment someone else is leaving.
“You might be having a dandy day, and then something like that happens. Do you stop and apologize? Try to make a joke out of it? Do you make eye contact with the person you accidentally almost threw against a wall? Do you even acknowledge that that just happened? Turn around and scream for precisely 11 seconds? There’s just no way to come out of that unscathed,” explains the head of an anti-hallway awkwardness activist group.